Faith,

September, yaaaa on September , Ive faced the biggest hardship ever.  Ive been hurt until nothing left for me.  I cant feel anything. I dont have any strength to faced it, until I'm getting sick. Almost 2 minggu sakit, memanjang mc, pitam dalam train, demam campak lagi and yes, Im totally down masa tu. That moment, I can't think anything. I don't know what should I do. I've cries  a lot but no one knows, no one understands. Sebab aku tak pernah nak carita benda yang jadi, even semua orang tanya. Semua nak tahu. 

One day, I wake up from my sleep and I've started perform my solat.  Ive cried so badly in my solat.  Masa tu baru sedar betapa banyaknya dosa selama ini, masa tu baru sedar betapa banyak salah silap yang dah buat, masa tu baru sedar berapa lama dah tinggal solat. Masa tu baru sedar yang hanya kasih sayang Dia yang kekal abadi. 

Yes, Ive turn to Him. Ive turn to Allah SWT and that time I push myself to be patient. I push myself to accept everything because this is my faith.  Everyday I ask Him to give me the strength to deal with what he has chosen not to be mine.  I asked Him to removed all my sadness, all these hurt. I believed He have a better plans for me. Ajal, maut, jodoh, pertemuan semua ditangan Dia. 

To be honest, everyday, everytime I perform my solat, Ive talked about him, talked about both of us through my prayer. Yes, I never talk about this with anyone else even ibu sendiri. Lebih baik simpan sendiri, tak perlu nak cerita baik buruk aib kita dekat orang. Biar kita yang tahu baik buruk salah silap diri masing-masing. I hope he also do the same thing. 

Now slowly, I can accept every single things that happened  between both of us.  I leave him to Allah.  If he are the right one, if his name that written in my Luh Mahfuz, we will be together again.  But if not, Im sure I can accept it. I will always pray for the best for him, he will find someone that can make him happy. Someone so much better than me. 

I believe everything happened now, Allah SWT has a beautiful reason for this. 

Allahumma inni as aluka husnal khatimah,

Oh Allah, I ask You for a good end to my life.

Goodnight:)